Wednesday, May 21, 2008

What Really Happened in Colorado Part Three

While we were in Colorado we visited Pike's Peak, it was amazing. I wrote this in my journal after we visited the Peak.

Tuesday, August 7th of 2007 at 4:25pm I wrote:

Coming down from Pikes Peak there was such thick clouds we couldn't see very far down. I thought how being a Christian is like living on the mountain It is majestic, breath-taking, soothing, and dangerous. But only if you can see without the clouds obstructing the view of just how high up you really are. When the clouds roll in we forget how wonderful it is to be up so high. When we forget our Lord and walk in our desires it is the same as the clouds rolling in. We can get used to this exhilerating life our Sovereign Lord has given us, take it for granted. We can lose sight of how majestic, breath-taking, soothing and dangerous He is. The difference between Pikes Peak and me - I can control the clouds.

What Really Happened in Colorado Part Two

One of my callings was to be a counselor. In fact as I was graduating from college I thought that counseling was to be my profession. A timely word from my Youth Pastor, Mike Jarrett, that ultimately came from God was not to go down that road. The Lord birthed that desire, but it would not be born until these last couple of years.

Little by little God has been teaching me about counseling and I have had some wonderful opportunities to counsel teenagers, marriages, and men. I love it.

While in Colorado one of our requirements was to take a personality test. They used one of the best, the Myers-Brigg Personality Indicator. It is really thorough and helps a person to discover who God designed them to be. I am excited, because you have to seek approval to be able to purchase this material and use it. I was accepted and can use it. I hope to eventually get some in-depth training with it. But, for now I hope to incorporate it into my pastoring work of counseling.

Tricia and I have received so many godly words from people who we love. They have spoken endearing words into our hearts and we are better because of it. People like my parents, my in-laws, Pastors, and friends. I believe that God wants Tricia and I to be able to do the same for other souls who are hurting and in need of guidance.

What Really Happened in Colorado

It has been a year since our trip to Colorado and as I reflect back I can see how it was life changing for me and Tricia both.

There was so much turmoil in my spirit during that last year at Cornerstone, I had picked up a lot of baggage that was really influencing my view of God and how He saw me.

One of my primary strengths is that I care for people, this is reflected in my spiritual gift of pastor/shepherd. At the same time this strength can hide my primary weakness--my obsessive need to be approved by people. This need to seek others approval fleshed itself out in my continual struggle to walk two lives. One life was with the people I care about and who are my dearest friends and the other was my loyalty to my Pastor, Bro. Bob. I was constantly being pulled in two directions and I hated it.

I was so scared of leaving Cornerstone that I continued to live in this grip experience. I had this warped view of logic that said it was okay to try and please both lives, one that disagreed with the direction of the Pastor and the other that got along for security of a job and a paycheck. It was only by God's goodness that He brought my true feelings to light and simply booted me out into the real world.

I made a statement at CrossPoint last week during my sermon that really shook me. I hadn't planned on saying it and I am discovering that alot of what I say comes in the moment. I know, that can be bad because who knows what I am g0ing to say and that can be good because it allows for the Spirit of God to move spontaneously on me. I said during my sermon that I would Pastor for free. I really meant it. I know the Apostle Paul said that elders who teach are worthy of double honor and I appreciate that about 'ole Paul, but if I'm not willing to try and build the Kingdom for free, then I am not called to build it.

At Cornerstone I never had that perspective. I had a lazy, self-absorbed perspective that betrayed the Kingdom. I believe it was God's will for me and the family to get out of there. I am so thankful of my years there and would not trade it for anything.

So, one thing I learned in Colorado was that "I don't have to prove myself to anyone." God made me uniquely me and He is showing me that I am only responsible towards Him. Yes, I am accountable to others, no doubt. But, my perverted view of finding worth in myself through others really had me in bondage. I found my worth through Cornerstone and that was perverted, it would be if I tried to find my worth through CrossPoint. My worth is found in God's love for me. I am His beloved Son, a Warrior Prince. The church does not owe me anything and I don't owe the church anything. I owe God everything.

One of my journals reveals what I am trying to say here: Wednesday the 8th of August, 2007, at 8:51 am. The Sovereign Lord loves me. He also said He sees me as majestic, breath-taking, soothing, and yes, dangerous. My Father is pleased with me for who I am, not what I've done or will do.

More about Colorado later.